1 00:00:03,960 --> 00:00:06,080 There goes the bus! There goes the bus! 2 00:00:06,080 --> 00:00:08,320 Oh no, no, no! 3 00:00:08,320 --> 00:00:10,000 She lost interest in a minute! 4 00:00:13,440 --> 00:00:15,120 Come, let’s ride the bus! 5 00:00:16,160 --> 00:00:17,720 She’s sleepy 6 00:00:19,520 --> 00:00:21,200 Come my baby, let’s sleep 7 00:00:21,640 --> 00:00:24,520 Let’s sleep my child 8 00:00:24,840 --> 00:00:27,720 There she goes, there she goes 9 00:01:14,720 --> 00:01:20,320 When I was little, my grandfather used to say, “The souls of trees can hear our voices” 10 00:01:38,480 --> 00:01:40,640 He loved Alvina a lot 11 00:01:41,440 --> 00:01:44,480 He really loved Alvina a lot - 12 00:01:44,480 --> 00:01:47,440 - clean the outer frame too 13 00:02:07,080 --> 00:02:13,600 When I used to come here as a kid, I’d notice that this puffed rice is always there 14 00:02:13,600 --> 00:02:16,320 Grandfather used to eat it every single day 15 00:02:16,320 --> 00:02:19,480 Just this much 16 00:02:19,480 --> 00:02:23,600 He used to have 2 biscuits and this puffed rice with his tea 17 00:02:30,120 --> 00:02:34,840 And when you two would visit us, we would also have it stocked up for him. 18 00:02:34,840 --> 00:02:38,000 Yes, I used to bring it along for him 19 00:02:38,680 --> 00:02:42,560 And more snacks...sweets.... 20 00:02:42,560 --> 00:02:47,920 “Alvina likes it, take some more for her!” your grandfather would say, so I would get 2 packets of everything 21 00:02:49,440 --> 00:02:54,560 Yes...and as soon as you reach, he would take all the snacks out of the bag, arrange it on the table just to show me 22 00:02:54,560 --> 00:02:57,560 Absolutely. He was so determined about that 23 00:03:00,800 --> 00:03:03,120 Give me the peanuts, I like them 24 00:03:05,120 --> 00:03:07,880 Although...I’ve just taken a medicine for acidity 25 00:03:08,640 --> 00:03:11,400 Will the peanuts cause acidity? 26 00:03:12,360 --> 00:03:15,760 and you’ve had peanuts yesterday too... 27 00:03:18,160 --> 00:03:20,600 Found another 28 00:03:23,320 --> 00:03:25,760 Enough! 29 00:03:31,520 --> 00:03:36,520 Until they turned 3, my kids only had milk, biscuits...things like that 30 00:03:38,360 --> 00:03:41,200 Your aunt and your father, both 31 00:03:42,560 --> 00:03:46,160 Did grandfather cook for them? -What 32 00:03:46,160 --> 00:03:48,360 Tea, food...things like that 33 00:03:48,360 --> 00:03:50,440 What nonsense, as if he’d ever cook 34 00:03:50,440 --> 00:03:53,560 He would not even serve himself water when thirsty... 35 00:03:54,880 --> 00:03:58,360 He would do this when water in the jug ran out 36 00:03:58,360 --> 00:04:02,080 Then? -Then I would have to fill it for him 37 00:04:02,080 --> 00:04:05,480 And he would say “My wife may do everything else, but she doesn’t fill the water!” 38 00:04:06,120 --> 00:04:08,040 I would have to keep checking on the water! 39 00:04:14,040 --> 00:04:17,160 I didn’t think he’d pass away so quickly 40 00:04:22,800 --> 00:04:26,600 Maybe it’s good for him... 41 00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:30,600 At least he didn’t suffer too much. 42 00:04:30,600 --> 00:04:33,680 The ones that remain behind never want the dead to depart 43 00:05:04,600 --> 00:05:07,720 The camera is down there but records up here 44 00:05:08,120 --> 00:05:12,840 No, it’s all up here -All there? -Yes 45 00:05:15,120 --> 00:05:19,640 “Look, Sushila aunty is here, look look look!” This is what these kids are doing 46 00:05:19,640 --> 00:05:22,840 Are you done? Follow me to the washroom 47 00:05:28,120 --> 00:05:34,520 Today I put a garland on my husband and offered some fruits. We should eat them as offerings to God 48 00:05:35,640 --> 00:05:36,960 What? 49 00:05:36,960 --> 00:05:39,400 It’s his death anniversary today 50 00:05:40,920 --> 00:05:41,920 Really!? 51 00:05:42,920 --> 00:05:44,120 Yes... 52 00:05:47,280 --> 00:05:50,440 Alvina bought the garland 53 00:05:50,440 --> 00:05:52,960 I asked her to lead the prayer, she obliged 54 00:05:52,960 --> 00:05:54,680 She agreed to do it? -Yes, she did it 55 00:05:54,680 --> 00:05:57,680 That’s good -She did everything 56 00:05:58,640 --> 00:06:00,480 The girl is fortunate 57 00:06:01,400 --> 00:06:04,320 Alvina is fortunate 58 00:06:04,320 --> 00:06:07,760 When he was dying, she was the only one who came, isn’t it? 59 00:06:10,000 --> 00:06:12,600 Your grandfather... 60 00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:15,520 When he passed away, only you were here. 61 00:06:15,520 --> 00:06:18,400 Your mom, brother, no one came 62 00:06:18,400 --> 00:06:21,280 Then your father came, and you 63 00:06:23,120 --> 00:06:25,760 Your grandfathers blessings will remain with you 64 00:06:32,520 --> 00:06:34,640 The day my granddfather died... 65 00:06:35,240 --> 00:06:38,560 I held my dad tight and cried a lot, in this room 66 00:06:40,520 --> 00:06:45,160 But I don’t remember what emotion I saw on his face 67 00:06:52,080 --> 00:06:54,760 You’ll feel drowsy now 68 00:07:06,000 --> 00:07:08,520 Did you ever feel like coloring your hair red? 69 00:07:09,600 --> 00:07:11,920 Whose? -Yours 70 00:07:11,920 --> 00:07:20,960 No...ever since my husband passed away. A month before his death...I should have dyed my hair black 71 00:07:20,960 --> 00:07:30,280 I kept postponing it, thinking I had time. And now...I don’t feel like doing it anymore 72 00:07:30,280 --> 00:07:36,920 Sometimes I feel doing it....but then....why, do I look bad? 73 00:07:37,560 --> 00:07:43,080 No, not at all. Your black hair looked nice too 74 00:07:43,080 --> 00:07:44,880 Let’s see 75 00:08:18,600 --> 00:08:23,120 When I came back from Pune, the entire floor was filled with leaves from the tree 76 00:08:32,000 --> 00:08:35,960 I have to buy a new pot for that lemon plant 77 00:08:37,040 --> 00:08:41,160 There are so many thorns, I am afraid of touching it 78 00:08:42,560 --> 00:08:49,320 All my plants used to be here, but we had to move them when we were water proofing the house 79 00:08:49,320 --> 00:08:52,480 So now they’re arrangeed this way 80 00:08:52,800 --> 00:08:55,280 Oh my gosh! Monkeys! I feel afraid! 81 00:08:56,000 --> 00:09:00,760 Let’s leave! The men are not afraid of monkeys, but we women are! 82 00:09:00,760 --> 00:09:02,160 Look how big they are! 83 00:09:02,160 --> 00:09:06,000 Yes! If they slap us, we are done for 84 00:09:06,560 --> 00:09:10,400 Our doors are shut right? -Yes 85 00:09:17,240 --> 00:09:20,240 What are they constructing over there? 86 00:09:20,880 --> 00:09:25,320 A two storeyed parking lot 87 00:09:25,320 --> 00:09:30,920 And on top of that...what’s it called... 88 00:09:30,920 --> 00:09:33,800 A residential building? 89 00:09:34,320 --> 00:09:36,560 No, not residential 90 00:09:39,480 --> 00:09:44,360 That used to be the hospital I was born in... -Yes, it was 91 00:09:56,560 --> 00:09:58,680 A daughter is someone else’s wealth 92 00:09:58,680 --> 00:10:01,680 Her accomplishment in life is to get married 93 00:10:02,080 --> 00:10:04,360 This is what my father believed 94 00:10:05,600 --> 00:10:10,840 He never considered that my sister should have a career 95 00:10:11,000 --> 00:10:15,240 It didn’t occur to him at all 96 00:10:16,120 --> 00:10:20,040 To ensure that her marriage is not delayed 97 00:10:20,320 --> 00:10:23,360 He found her a match 98 00:10:23,440 --> 00:10:26,920 The boy happened to be mentally challenged, and she suffered a lot 99 00:10:27,880 --> 00:10:31,600 There was no concept of democracy in our house 100 00:10:32,120 --> 00:10:37,720 Two people talking as equals...this never happened in front of my father 101 00:10:37,840 --> 00:10:44,160 My sister never got a chance to voice her opinion 102 00:10:48,920 --> 00:10:53,080 There’s nothing to be done now, unfortunately 103 00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:04,160 Maybe my daughter will visit tomorrow, but she won’t stay 104 00:11:04,160 --> 00:11:06,280 She might come to meet Alvina 105 00:11:09,360 --> 00:11:13,120 She said she will come only if possible 106 00:11:13,480 --> 00:11:19,040 At this point, all I can tell her is “Stay if you want, come if you want, or don’t” 107 00:11:19,520 --> 00:11:22,240 It’s not her fault, it’s her husband.... 108 00:11:22,960 --> 00:11:27,120 He doesn’t like to eat food outside. He prefers home made food. What to do... 109 00:11:31,400 --> 00:11:32,760 Oh, you haven’t finished 110 00:11:32,760 --> 00:11:37,960 I’m done! I’ll drink a cup of buttermilk now and.....go lie down on the terrace 111 00:11:37,960 --> 00:11:39,120 Under the tree 112 00:11:39,000 --> 00:11:41,680 I was just going to say, don’t fall asleep 113 00:11:44,200 --> 00:11:46,720 This is why I refuse to eat before finishing work. 114 00:11:47,400 --> 00:11:50,400 It’s so relaxing to eat after all the work is done 115 00:11:51,240 --> 00:11:56,200 It’s the opposite. You should work after you eat so you can digest the food 116 00:11:57,480 --> 00:12:01,960 See what your grandmom is saying - one should work! 117 00:12:04,960 --> 00:12:07,600 She keeps working! All the time 118 00:12:08,800 --> 00:12:12,360 She keeps moving around - from here to there, isn’t it? 119 00:12:13,320 --> 00:12:18,440 (Mumbling secretively) 120 00:12:24,360 --> 00:12:26,800 It used to be the same when your grandfather was alive 121 00:12:26,800 --> 00:12:29,640 Your grandafther would eat to his heart’s content and sleep there- 122 00:12:29,640 --> 00:12:34,640 He would sit on that chair while eating, and I would sit on the floor outside the kitchen 123 00:12:34,640 --> 00:12:37,200 and we’d eat... 124 00:13:24,000 --> 00:13:27,600 One family will give away the girl 125 00:13:27,600 --> 00:13:30,560 And another will bring that girl into their family 126 00:13:31,960 --> 00:13:35,760 She’s Lakshmi (prosperity), so anyone would like to keep her forever! 127 00:13:38,200 --> 00:13:41,400 The astrologer said that about her granddaughter! 128 00:13:43,960 --> 00:13:47,240 He also said that it’s time to get her married 129 00:13:47,240 --> 00:13:49,360 She may get married to a distant relative 130 00:13:50,680 --> 00:13:52,440 If not, then... 131 00:13:53,440 --> 00:13:56,360 He said she might have a love marriage! Oh my god...no! 132 00:13:59,120 --> 00:14:00,160 A love marriage!! 133 00:14:00,160 --> 00:14:02,240 What is this absurdity, love marriage! 134 00:14:02,240 --> 00:14:06,320 If it’s a good one, let her do it! 135 00:14:14,160 --> 00:14:16,040 Where did you find these? 136 00:14:16,040 --> 00:14:18,720 They were in this box 137 00:14:20,760 --> 00:14:25,160 I had brought some old belongings from Pune before her parents moved abroad 138 00:14:25,160 --> 00:14:28,280 This small shell is good for doing prayers 139 00:14:30,360 --> 00:14:33,240 Right? Good to keep in the mandir (temple) 140 00:14:33,240 --> 00:14:36,560 No! These are my childhood memories 141 00:14:36,560 --> 00:14:40,360 Okay woman! Keep all your childhood memories! 142 00:14:40,360 --> 00:14:46,120 (to crew) She wants to keep her childhood with her! What to do about this? 143 00:14:47,080 --> 00:14:52,080 Now you’ll get married soon! You won’t even realise when! 144 00:14:52,080 --> 00:14:53,800 No! -Isn’t it? 145 00:14:53,800 --> 00:14:59,920 (to crew) isn’t it, Rahul! Let her keep these things till she gets married, then we’ll see... 146 00:14:59,920 --> 00:15:03,840 See the boy is laughing. Isn’t it aunty? 147 00:15:03,840 --> 00:15:07,480 Isn’t it important to keep her mementos? 148 00:15:07,480 --> 00:15:09,000 Where did I put the stick? 149 00:15:09,000 --> 00:15:12,280 Where did you? -There, outside 150 00:15:18,040 --> 00:15:19,760 You miss him a lot don’t you? 151 00:15:19,760 --> 00:15:21,040 Of course 152 00:15:22,960 --> 00:15:25,440 We lived together for 51 years... 153 00:15:26,320 --> 00:15:29,320 Of course I miss him 154 00:15:34,320 --> 00:15:37,320 You two never even fought? 155 00:15:38,760 --> 00:15:41,760 No, never 156 00:15:43,400 --> 00:15:48,960 I did not like fighting, so I would reach an understanding 157 00:15:52,920 --> 00:15:56,960 If we got mad, we wouldn’t talk to each other 158 00:15:56,960 --> 00:15:59,960 Then we’d start talking again...what to do 159 00:16:00,360 --> 00:16:06,280 In that case, when you were not talking to each other, who was the first to try and make conversation again 160 00:16:06,280 --> 00:16:07,720 Me, of course 161 00:16:10,480 --> 00:16:12,560 Do you know why? 162 00:16:12,560 --> 00:16:19,480 He would have to go far away to office 163 00:16:19,480 --> 00:16:24,480 So, to avoid any unfortunate events...I would accept defeat 164 00:16:25,080 --> 00:16:27,720 He was not okay with the silence either 165 00:16:32,120 --> 00:16:34,400 Who did he have, apart from me? 166 00:16:36,160 --> 00:16:38,040 I didn’t have anyone else, nor did he 167 00:16:40,480 --> 00:16:44,160 We never caused a scene by fighting 168 00:16:46,080 --> 00:16:49,600 Our kids wouldn’t even be aware that we are not talking to each other 169 00:16:55,960 --> 00:17:02,240 And...my husband never hit our children! Not even once! Ever 170 00:17:03,120 --> 00:17:07,440 Your aunt was stubborn, so I used to beat her sometimes 171 00:17:13,480 --> 00:17:15,040 But they were still scared of grandad right? 172 00:17:15,040 --> 00:17:18,680 Yes, they were always scared of him. And that was necessary -Why were they scared? 173 00:17:19,120 --> 00:17:21,880 Well because, he was strict 174 00:17:22,520 --> 00:17:30,160 My sister used to live near our place, just one street across 175 00:17:31,000 --> 00:17:35,800 When it was time for your grandad to come home from work, the kids would run like the wind to be home before him 176 00:17:37,520 --> 00:17:41,440 Kids should be afraid of at least one parent 177 00:17:44,160 --> 00:17:51,480 Kids who are not afraid, nothing comes of them. No education, no work 178 00:17:52,320 --> 00:18:02,440 My sister’s kid’s lost bank jobs despite getting opportunities and good pay 179 00:18:07,480 --> 00:18:11,480 Is it not possible to raise kids without making them feel afraid? 180 00:18:12,080 --> 00:18:17,840 It is possible...but our kids were scared 181 00:18:18,600 --> 00:18:24,360 Even if my husband didn’t say anything, the kids would be scared 182 00:18:24,760 --> 00:18:32,600 Your aunt used to be relaxed...your father used to be afraid 183 00:18:35,720 --> 00:18:44,760 Like I said, they were just scared. But he didn’t ever hit them. You can ask your father 184 00:19:21,720 --> 00:19:23,840 I’d always have to be careful 185 00:19:24,160 --> 00:19:26,600 He would get furious over the smallest of things 186 00:19:27,480 --> 00:19:32,280 If I was playing, and he was listening to the radio, and I make a noise accidentally... 187 00:19:32,280 --> 00:19:35,040 He would shout at me a lot 188 00:19:36,160 --> 00:19:40,040 It never felt as if he was happy to have us around 189 00:19:42,000 --> 00:19:45,960 He never made me feel like I am a son that he likes 190 00:19:46,960 --> 00:19:49,920 It was mostly just shouting and scolding 191 00:19:50,560 --> 00:19:56,400 He never hit me...but just one look from him had the same effect 192 00:20:01,720 --> 00:20:05,800 By the time he started respecting my mother, it was too late 193 00:20:07,440 --> 00:20:11,520 Almost their entire life, his approach to her was “She knows nothing” 194 00:20:11,760 --> 00:20:15,560 If she expressed herself, especially to oppose him- 195 00:20:15,560 --> 00:20:18,840 He wouldn’t hesitate to insult her 196 00:20:18,920 --> 00:20:22,360 He would reprimand her saying “What do you know!” even in public 197 00:20:23,360 --> 00:20:25,600 So, mom also lived in constant fear 198 00:20:25,920 --> 00:20:31,040 She would always ensure that nothing she does would anger him 199 00:20:31,600 --> 00:20:36,840 Which is why they never fought a lot 200 00:20:36,840 --> 00:20:41,800 When I was little, I thought that this is how a normal husband-wife relationship is 201 00:22:03,080 --> 00:22:08,880 My father’s mother, my grandma, lived with us for a year 202 00:22:09,520 --> 00:22:13,040 My father wouldn’t talk to her 203 00:22:14,320 --> 00:22:21,240 I remember, when he would scold us, his eyeballs would move upwards 204 00:22:21,240 --> 00:22:30,280 and my grandmother used to do the exact same with her eyes while scolding us... 205 00:22:53,240 --> 00:22:55,080 Is the net in the sink effective? 206 00:22:55,080 --> 00:22:58,720 It’s good. I want another one 207 00:22:58,720 --> 00:23:00,240 I’ve bought two 208 00:23:00,240 --> 00:23:01,800 That’s for her 209 00:23:02,360 --> 00:23:03,880 For my aunt? -Yes 210 00:23:03,880 --> 00:23:05,440 I’ll order another one then 211 00:23:06,160 --> 00:23:07,160 It cost 90 rupees, right? 212 00:23:07,640 --> 00:23:08,040 or 100 rupees? 213 00:23:08,040 --> 00:23:09,000 99 rupees I think 214 00:23:09,000 --> 00:23:10,160 100 rupees it is 215 00:23:20,880 --> 00:23:23,920 No need to buy anything else, everything is there at home 216 00:23:24,280 --> 00:23:28,520 Whatever is there, I will use it till the end. I won’t buy anything new 217 00:23:29,600 --> 00:23:31,080 Until my death 218 00:23:32,360 --> 00:23:33,440 What if it takes another 10-15 years? 219 00:23:33,440 --> 00:23:36,000 Oh gosh! No, no, no 220 00:23:36,520 --> 00:23:37,960 I don’t want that at all 221 00:23:39,040 --> 00:23:43,520 I hope I pass away before this building goes for redevelopment 222 00:23:44,360 --> 00:23:49,840 This box of ghee, I’ll wash it myself. If I put it with the rest of the dishes, everything will become oily 223 00:23:53,520 --> 00:23:59,080 You were telling aunty the other day that you’ll live until I am married. What if I take another 10-15 years? 224 00:23:59,080 --> 00:24:00,960 Hey! Don’t do that 225 00:24:01,160 --> 00:24:06,760 See, it’s not about that. You like kids, don’t you? 226 00:24:06,960 --> 00:24:09,360 So you can’t delay- 227 00:24:09,400 --> 00:24:12,720 I like kids in general, but I don’t know if I want to have kids -You need to have at least one! 228 00:24:12,720 --> 00:24:16,520 If you don’t have one, who will look after you when you are old? 229 00:24:16,520 --> 00:24:21,240 Think about it, and get married at the right time. Don’t be too late 230 00:24:22,520 --> 00:24:30,840 If you get married when you’re 30, or 10 years after that, there’s no use of it 231 00:24:34,800 --> 00:24:36,480 30 is your deadline 232 00:24:38,560 --> 00:24:41,800 Do you know what happened to my best friend’s daughter? 233 00:24:41,800 --> 00:24:42,920 Who? 234 00:24:42,920 --> 00:24:45,480 My best friend’s daughter, Prerana... 235 00:24:46,840 --> 00:24:51,400 She and a boy were colleagues.... 236 00:24:52,120 --> 00:24:54,920 The boy was prepared to marry her, she was also kind of ready 237 00:24:55,320 --> 00:25:03,520 The boy’s family was conservative. They insisted that she only wear sarees, keep her head tucked inside the cloth 238 00:25:04,120 --> 00:25:10,440 My best friend told her daughter, “if you’re fine with it, go ahead, but don’t complain later” 239 00:25:13,000 --> 00:25:20,000 So she said no, and now she’s still unmarried! She’s 32...or 33. She’s 33 240 00:25:20,360 --> 00:25:23,720 One should get married, no matter what 241 00:25:30,760 --> 00:25:34,160 You were always with my father when you were little 242 00:25:34,160 --> 00:25:39,400 I have such beautiful memories of the two of you together 243 00:25:39,400 --> 00:25:42,640 I don’t have any such memories of my own childhood 244 00:25:42,640 --> 00:25:46,920 He really loved you... 245 00:25:47,440 --> 00:25:50,800 All you’d have to do is phone him once and ask him to visit 246 00:25:50,800 --> 00:25:57,480 He’d immediately get on a bus and travel 70km to see you 247 00:25:59,760 --> 00:26:03,040 He really, genuinely loved you. 248 00:26:04,560 --> 00:26:07,960 He would play with you, tell you stories... 249 00:26:09,600 --> 00:26:14,120 Seeing that would make me feel, “This is not my father” 250 00:26:14,120 --> 00:26:18,920 That was the extent of his transformation with you 251 00:26:21,600 --> 00:26:26,680 I used to be shocked....When I was little, he never embraced me 252 00:26:27,360 --> 00:26:29,520 I don’t remember even one instance of it 253 00:27:08,280 --> 00:27:12,160 All the love accumulated in their hearts...where does it go? 254 00:27:18,680 --> 00:27:21,400 And where will this sadness go? 255 00:31:55,560 --> 00:32:02,080 When I used to come here as a kid, I’d notice that this puffed rice is always there